Douchebag v. Asshole, the definitive distinction.

In our common act of maligning our fellow humans, we often find ourselves at the fork of calling an individual an "asshole" or a "douchebag." I think describing a distinction between the two is important, and hope to do so on the merits of each item within the real world.

While both pejoratives are, well, pejorative - indicating distaste for an individual - each has a nuance of meaning.

The Asshole, while distasteful, fills a necessary role in society by performing unpleasant tasks avoided by others. Political operatives, parole officers, cops, repo-men, inner-city high school math teachers, bureaucrats, libertarians and corporate downsizing consultants can be examples of assholes. In most cases, the Asshole is aware of their Assholeness, but accepting of condition's necessity.

The Douchebag, like its namesake, labors under the artificially scented belief that he fills a necessary role in society, despite all evidence and advice to the contrary. Untalented DJs, trend consultants, club promoters, marketers, real estate speculators, MLM disciples, reality show hopefuls and contestants, and redundant middle managers may fall into this category. Like their namesake, Douchebags will mask their uselessness with elaborate packaging and promotion. This masking of uselessness may employ thick, blonde highlights in the hair, Ed Hardy shirts, professional dental whitening, H2 Hummers and Axe body spray. Also, like his namesake, the continued existence of the Douchebag (fed by unexplainable popularity - though usually among like-minded douchebags) is a mystery.

In brief:
Asshole = shitty job, someone has to do it
Douchbag = false sense of necessity despite being useless.

NOTE: While this taxonomy is not gender exclusive, the majority of both Assholes and Douchebags tend to be male. Neither classification is a masculine analog of the Bitch.